My Menopause Experience

As part of the ABI (Allyship, Belonging & Inclusivity) committee at Ambition, when it came to ideas around what to do for World Menopause Day, I was quick to raise my hand to participate. As a woman who turned 50 last year with two small children (5½ and 2½), when menopause hit, it hit hard.

Most women experience the menopausal transition between their mid 40s and mid 50s with perimenopause often starting before this.

Over the past two decades, statistics have shown that suicide rates amongst this age group in women have continued to rise, which is extremely concerning, with many women who are in crisis being prescribed anti-depressants instead of hormone replacement therapy - despite clear menopause guidelines stating that antidepressants should not be the first-choice treatment for menopause-related low mood breaking point.

So, here’s my story….honest and unapologetically raw!

If you were to ask the pre menopause me about menopause symptoms I would have reeled off brain fog, forgetfulness, hot flushes, weight gain and night sweats, but I can tell you first-hand there are a lot more which aren’t always talked about that can leave you feeling extremely overwhelmed and scared.

I always joked with my husband that when I finished breast-feeding my youngest child that, because of my age, I would go flying headfirst into menopause. Little did we know, that would actually really happen.

I knew about all the symptoms I mentioned above, but there were so many that I simply had no idea about - the feelings of worthlessness, the feeling of not belonging, the feeling of being trapped in your own life, the actual brain “shut down” moments, the excruciating tiredness, the extreme mood swings, the constant aches and pains, the pure rage you could feel and the complete inability to “snap out” of it, to name just a few.

Add in 2 small children, running a household and managing a stressful job and whilst I hid a lot of it for a long time (which in itself was exhausting) and even joked about my forgetfulness, I eventually reached breaking point.

I couldn’t remember how I drove to places, but I was there with the kids in the back of the car and somehow, we were safe! I couldn’t trust myself to stand too close to the edge of the train platform and after breaking down on the phone with my mother-in-law, and after a long honest tearful and at times confronting conversation with my husband we agreed that something had to change.

Professional help was needed and soon after I found myself sitting in my doctor’s surgery in tears, desperately trying to work out what was going on and feeling like I was losing my mind.

The Doctor’s Visit

After explaining my feelings and my back story, my GP she was floored with the “nightmare hormonal journey” as she described it, that I’d been on over the past few years having also been through gruelling IVF treatments. What took me by surprise was that the first thing she suggested was antidepressants, but I knew that wasn’t what I needed.

HRT was a huge concern for me as my mum died from Breast Cancer, which as far as I was aware was caused by HRT, so I needed extra reassurance from her around the safety and suitability of HRT and the risk it could pose to me.

Hormone Replacement Therapy isn’t for everyone, and everyone has an opinion. I felt that at times people could be too quick to just say “get on HRT you’ll feel so much better!” and to the opposite of being astounded by the pure disappointment in a friend’s voice and disagreement with my choice.

It isn’t an overnight fix, it takes time, and I realised I had to make changes and put in the work to try and help myself through this. I think we’ve finally got my dose right, I see my GP regularly and we have honest conversations about how I’m feeling, coping with the kids, my relationship with my husband and work – you’d think she was a therapist – and she’s constantly reminding me to be kind to myself and find some time for me, which with 2 small kids isn’t always easy but I’m trying.

Something the GP said that hit home was that we don’t ask hormonal teenagers to apologise for their behaviour yet there is an expectation that menopausal women have to apologise and justify how we are feeling and behaving, when a lot of the time it is simply out of our control.

Support at Home

I feel for my husband, I’m sure there are moments when he wonders where the woman is that he married, but I wouldn’t be able to do it without his support.

Talking helps, I’ve shared a lot with him that he had no idea about, that has at times had him in tears and he’s been open with me about how he deals with it and what he’s learnt and read about menopause. It's great that he wants to understand and wants to help but I’m also under no illusion that it can’t be easy for him either.

The guilt I felt/feel towards my young children can be unbearable at times, I don’t want them to grow up with memories of mummy being moody and shouty. But I’m here, and they know that mummy loves them, and they know they get the best cuddles from me, and I try and make sure we have lots of fun, so we’re doing ok!

I think I can confidently say I’m not in the “eye of the storm” anymore, more like managing the storm. There are still new symptoms that constantly appear, and when I google “why is my ear unbearably itchy”, “why are my eyes as dry as a bone in the morning” and ''why is my hair shedding so much!'' it points me straight to menopause, so the symptoms seem endless! Whilst I’m better at managing things now, I know there’s still work to do, but it’s ok, I’m getting there! 😊

So, for anyone struggling with perimenopause or menopause you don’t need to struggle alone, there is a lot of support out there.

A lot of employers now have menopause policies and whilst doing some research for this article I came across the below - have I delved into it all, no I haven’t as sometimes it’s difficult to know what support I might need!

For more support:

About the author

Claudine Cullen is a Principal Consultant placing senior professionals into leadership roles across Top 100 UK and international law firms in BD, Marketing & Communications.